Trouble in the Sack?
How to Manage Sex-Related Issues in The Bedroom
It happens to the best of us, don’t worry.
Although we’d all like sex to go smoothly every single time, the reality is that it probably won’t. If you’re having trouble in the bedroom, you’re not alone. Folks might not talk about it, but it happens to everyone once in a while.
With over 7.5 billion people on this earth, someone else out there is bound to have been in a similar situation to yours. That’s why we put together a list of common sex-related issues people experience and how to work on fixing them.
Here are some things you may experience:
The mind is willing but the body….
Physical difficulties can encompass a lot of different things. From vaginal dryness to erectile dysfunction (ED). Experiencing sexual difficulties in bed can easily make having sex an anxiety-inducing situation. Studies suggest that about 17% of women aged 18-50 experience vaginal dryness. Menopause, feminine washes, and harsh soaps are just a few things that can affect a woman's vaginal moisture. On the flip side, about 52% of men experience some form of erectile dysfunction. Health complications, substance abuse, and mental health struggles are just a few causes of erectile dysfunction (ED).
For women with problems with dryness, try getting proactive about your vaginal health. You can read more about how to overcome problems with vaginal dryness in our blog dedicated to this very subject. A nice water-based lubricant can also go a long way to easing any sexual discomfort due to dryness.
For men, dropping unhealthy habits like smoking or excessive alcohol consumption can help minimize the risk of erectile dysfunction. Taking a medication like Viagra can also help if you’re looking for a more immediate solution—so be sure to consult with your physician if you’re suffering from ED.
Intimacy is key.
Problems in the bedroom can also be caused by a lack of intimacy. No relationship is perfect, and while we’d love to never get into disagreements with our partners, sadly that’s not realistic. Although small arguments aren’t usually a cause for panic, if you let them fester, they can turn into even larger problems. Along with the occasional discord, other problems such as trust issues, infidelity or bad communication can affect intimacy with your partner. This lack of intimacy can translate into the bedroom making things uncomfortable and strained.
Nip things in the bud before they turn into larger problems. Instead of letting a small issue turn into a big one, communicate with your partner. Talk things over so you both can have an honest and open conversation about what’s going on in your relationship. Do this before going to bed.
If talking to your significant other isn’t enough to solve your problems, consider going to couples therapy. The therapist should be able to help you work through things in a healthy way and minimize blowups. As trust and communication is reestablished, intimacy will follow.
I’m on third base, you’re in the dugout…
A difference in sex drive between couples can cause some issues in the bedroom. If one person feels like they want to constantly jump their partner’s bones but the feeling isn’t reciprocated, well, it can be tough for everyone involved.
If your partner is not interested when you are, this can lead to questions of, “Is there someone else?” or “Don’t they want me anymore?” It can be tough for a person’s self-esteem and confidence, potentially causing decreased arousal, or for guys, problems maintaining an erection.
On the other hand, it can be frustrating to constantly feel pressured to have sex despite not being in the mood. Maybe you wonder if sex is the only thing your partner is interested in, or worse, if you don’t “put out” will they go elsewhere for sex? Feeling pressured can result in not wanting to have sex at all due to frustration and rising insecurities.
For those with a lower sex drive who want to change things, consider making foreplay a priority. What turns you on? Is it a certain outfit? A massage? Dancing? A bubble bath? Take a little extra time to get yourself in the mood, and if possible, get your partner to participate.
Foreplay doesn’t have to be extravagant, either. When was the last time you made out on the couch, for example? Simple kissing is an underappreciated act that can get people aroused in no time. Did you know that according to the National Library of Medicine, women are more likely to orgasm if they kiss during sex? Apply some of our new Coconut Hot Kiss and see where your kissing skills take you…
Alternately, for those with high sex drives, consider incorporating masturbation into your regimen during times when your partner isn’t feeling in the mood. Pleasuring yourself can satisfy you while also taking some pressure off your significant other.
In the long run, it’s important to have meaningful conversations outside of the bedroom about how to adapt to each other’s sexual levels. Maybe you need to set up a date night, a night when you both know sex is definitely ON the table. Maybe buy some fun accessories or a flavored warming massage gel to set the tone…
I don’t look sexy, ergo I don’t feel sexy.
You may not realize it, but a negative body image can affect your performance in the bedroom. If you’re worried about a roll here, a stretch mark or a wrinkle there, how can you give sex your full attention? You might feel too uncomfortable to try new things because they could highlight body parts you would rather no one paid attention to. Unfortunately, your partner can feel if you’re holding back. They might feel like they’re the ones doing something wrong. Body insecurity is no fun for you and could cause anxiety for your partner, so what to do?
Work on self-love! It’s 2021 and body positivity is a huge topic of discussion, with good reason. No matter what size or shape you are, remember that you are the perfect you. As long as you’re healthy and happy, embrace your shape, your wrinkles and your “imperfections”! Confidence is sexy. Sexy is fun! And truth be told, your partner loves you, your mind, your soul and your body, too.
At the beginning of this year we asked you to choose to reflect positivity, self-love and self-knowledge in 2021. Don’t stop now, baby! You and your magnificent self got this!
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