Your New Menopause Sex Life

October 21, 2022

Your New Menopause Sex Life

It’s a Time to Play Not Pause

Though demonized for centuries, menopause and perimenopause are simply natural stages of female reproductive development. It is true that they can have a dramatic effect on your daily life, sexual health and well-being, but there are ways to ease discomfort and process this change with equanimity and even a little fun.

Here Comes the Change

During perimenopause the body is preparing the transition to menopause. The flow

and timing of your menstrual cycle may become irregular as hormone production in the ovaries slows down. Eventually the reduction of estrogen, progesterone, and other reproductive hormones will bring on the symptoms we associate with “the change”. Your vaginal tissue will become thinner and there will be less natural lubrication. The cumulative results can be vaginal and vulvar dryness, decreased sensitivity, increased sexual discomfort, a lack of sexual desire, and even incontinence. In addition,perimenopausal and menopausal symptoms can include vasomotor symptoms such as blood pressure fluctuation, heart palpitations, hot flashes and night sweats. If that isn’t bad enough, there is also a mental health component as hormonal changes can trigger or worsen depression, anxiety, rage and insomnia.

Sounds amazing, right?

The truth is: menopause is not a malady, so there are no cures. There are ways, however, to maintain life balance and enhance sexual pleasure from perimenopause to post menopause and everything in between.

On the Chafe Side

Menopause-related dryness is for real. Vaginal and vulva dryness can make normal intercourse and foreplay excruciatingly uncomfortable. It can even cause pain during regular non-sexual activity such as walking, exercising, urinating and even just lounging in your favorite comfy chair. Intimate moisturizers and sexual lubricants combined with proper intimate cleansing can be a part of the solution. Rejuvenate your V-routine with an intimate hygiene duo starting with a gentle cleansing gel to pamper the vulva (the external parts that are the gateway to the vagina) and following up with a light application of coco shea oil. Both are soothing and safe for daily use and contain ingredients that promote moisture retention.  When you are ready to get down to business, try a water-based personal lubricant with extra soothing ingredients such as aloe vera. Our Aloe Vera lube is toy safe and is formulated to complement the natural lubricants the body produces, (or used to produce as the case may be).

Foreplay is More Play

Menopausal symptoms may mean that your mind and body need more time to get in the mood and stay aroused. A quickie might not be on the table anymore, (or floor or kitchen counter), so plan accordingly even when flying solo. Plan ahead for foreplay. Remember making out? You know French kisses and “heavy petting”... Bring them back this time with a twist, like some tingling, flavored lip gel. Move to second base with some nipple play,  and slide into third with a flavored warming “massage oil”. (The sexy kind of massage- Wink! Wink!) Remember to take things slow and respect you and your partners’ response time—there’s no prize for finishing early and no penalty for getting home late.

There’s the Rub

It’s not all about sex, though, is it? A real relaxing massage can alleviate some of the physical and mental discomfort associated with menopausal symptoms. It’s a tough time for many, and the stress, anxiety, depression and fear around the process can pile on top of normal unhappy feelings triggered by hormonal changes and societal norms. Sometimes, you can just feel uncomfortable in your own skin. Massage combined with aromatherapy can aid relaxation and reduce stress levels, relieving pain and improving sleep.  While there are no studies that conclusively prove that massages can be effective against vasomotor symptoms, there is anecdotal evidence that one’s ability to manage those symptoms improves with higher levels of relaxation and mental wellbeing. 

Try massage oils that have scents associated with calm and stress-relief. Our Amethyst Sweet Almond massage oil is infused with Amethyst for inner-peace and well-being, and lightly scented with accents of vanilla and roses. It should do the trick. Also consider spraying the air or yourself with a rhodiola rosea perfume mist to encourage your body to produce more endorphins. If you lack the time for a massage you can still get the aromatherapy benefits by using the sprays or oils during and after a lovely hot bath.

Use It or Lose It

One of the best and easiest ways to maintain your sexual health and wellness is regular sex and masturbation. Both activities increase genital circulation and can aid natural lubrication while maintaining vaginal tissue health. They also send the message to the mind and body that your vagina is still open for business during renovation.

You and your vagina got this!



Jacquetta Szathmari, Dernier Mile

Jacquetta Szathmari is a New York based writer and the founder of Dernier Mile, a boutique consultancy providing last minute and last mile solutions for your content-intensive, logistically complex, and totally unique creative projects.


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